through_him19's Xanga

HappYness ------------------> why?

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 14:05:32 GMT

.. i need more time for the blogging/website transition, until then xanga for now.

But yeah, scary thing as I was commuting to work and now at work... it's scary how human I really am, how easy it is to be "of this world". The need for affection, the need for security, the need to feel appreciated and like everyone else... the so called need for always more. More time, more relationships, more "stuff" and how can we ever forget... more money.

And with this world, it almost seems like all of society is trying to make you do one thing... which is the so called, "be in the pursuit of happyness" (yess with a big Y --> WHY), the need for MORE. Cause taking the public transit isn't "cool", having ok clothes is not really OK, having some money is not having A LOT of money and being you just isn't enough.

It seems we have lost our way, our human nature. To really appreciate the simple things in life.. good company, having a nice SIMPLE dinner together and realizing just how fortunate we are.. with what 90% of the world don't have, we take with an undeniable question. We take and yet we don't appreciate it... nor do we even care. Where have WE gone wrongg... the things we have placed such great value on.

As our youth grow up and even US, the generation of today and the future... are we only gonna dictate more of this uncontrollable need for MORE, or will we come back to the basics, the simple things in life? Where a simple smile or talk with a friend can almost ultimately change the mood of our current state.. or must we have the newest cellphone, the most expensive clothes and look like we're walking A&F models in order to feel just a little bit more happier. Ohh wait, I forgot the brand new spanking car.. wait wait, cross that out.... come on down, you have just got a BRAND NEW BMW!!!!

I hope my skin gets a just a little tougher and my mind becomes just a little bit stronger... I don't wanna fall prey to the 24/7 attack of HAPPYNESS. Why do I need more when most of us have MORE than what we really need or have yet to even realize.

HappYness ------------------> why?

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 02:51:58 GMT

this may be the last blog on xanga..

Gonna try and do some blogging else where or on a different medium. But interesting times ahead... trying times ahead. Will definitely blog more on this another time. I know He counts on me a lot, cause He has made me strong. I just hope I can make Him proud, not just once in a while.. but throughout my life.

Holy, You are still holy
Even when the darkness surrounds my life
Sovereign, You are still sovereign
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes

Lord, I don't deserve Your kind affection
When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch
I want my life to be a pure reflection
Of Your love

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Lord, I don't deserve your tender patience
When my unbelief has kept me from Your truth
I want my life to be a sweet devotion
To You

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Sun, 03 May 2009 03:19:22 GMT

He expects more out of me, not because I'm stronger, smarter or better... He expects more out of me cause I'm His son. May I listen to You moree, not less. May I actually be transformed, not just changed. Cause in reality, He expects us all to be transformed, not changed.

I must be less, so You can be more. I'm sorry for all the wrong I have done, for relying on my own strengths, my skills, my smarts... and relying less and less on faith. I'm at your mercy right now, may Your presence and grace be upon me now. These hands are Yours, teach them to serve as You please... may my soul rest assured in You.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 01:54:33 GMT

all I really wanna say is thank you to everyone. For all their prayers and encouragement.

It really means the world to me, I appreciate it. God has answered my prayers, thank you.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:27:47 GMT

jin - i quit

jin - same cry

Friday, April 10, 2009

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 00:33:48 GMT

yesterday was one of the saddest runs everrr.. not only was I tiredd heck of a lot quicker than usual especially knowing I had more left in the tank, I just.... simply decided to quit. It's like, your body's telling you to stop, but you've been here before. You know what you can still do and what you still have left, but instead of doing the mind over matter talk you have with yourself you simply say... ok, I quit.

I can honestly say I'm starting to lose a lot of motivation for the last 3 weeks of school. Sure my marks are still relatively good, not as good as they usually are but I'm not flunking anything, not even close. And to be stuck in the rut of trying to finish off strong and looking to have some kind of a summer break, I know deep down... I want a job and I should really reallly start applying to a lot more places.

But time doesn't seem to be on my side, the next 3 weeks will be busy. And yes, like my run... I've been here, I've done it before. Maybe my run yesterday is a look into the future where maybe... I just wanna say, I quit.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 19:33:12 GMT

woren out, but saw this recently... why aren't many more of us like this? Why aren't we helping one another the way Linda Hamilton did? whether it was convenient or not, walker or no walker. If you got time, please watch this.. as I know I was touched.

Aiding the Fallen
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=7053177

Monday, March 09, 2009

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 03:57:36 GMT

So it's been a while since I last blogged.

Hmm... what's been happening with me? Well, things are going.... and that's the state I've been in recently. I feel like I've just been... living and not living with a purpose or a joy anymore. And leading in soo many areas of your life, you just... tire out. This sounds sad.. but am I burning out again? .............. I don't............ think so.

Maybe I just need some uncertainties to be answered for me. Some days are better than others, but too many days I wake up and don't feel like doing anything. No I don't wanna go to school or go to the library to study. No I don't wanna go do job applications into this horrible economy that isn't any fault of mine. You work hard for 4-5 years getting good marks and getting good jobs and this is the end result of it all? No, I don't even feel like running all that much anymore, or even playing sports. And I'm a sporty person. I just.... want time off to do almost nothing. Maybe it's time to refill up? Or maybe just a time where I can truly spend it on me.

But time is precious...... and this life is short.............................. I need to, I gotta.......... I know... I know I have pray about this.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 01:04:44 GMT

had one of the most honest and heartfelt talks yesterday with a certain someone.

things were never meant to be easy... and I know this. I guess that's why I have always said, one step at a time. So I hope we can take this walk together... cause two is always better than one. You and me is always better than just you, or just me...

like the jack johnson song, we're better together.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 17:11:19 GMT

I believe I'm one of the people who take great joy in the not the big victories, but the small ones. Not saying that I don't enjoy the big ones, cause of course who wouldn't. But I think I value the small things in life... the simplistic things in life. And I willing to take on a lot of heat... the suffering, the harsh conditions... the unbearable even. Cause those are the times where we grow the most... when we really realize it's out of our hands.

And whenever I speak or befriend someone... I try and be completely honest. Sure, I may not reveal all of me right away... cause heck, even I get scared. I've been hurt a lot in my life, but in order to build something great you must instil trust and honesty. As long as you're honest with me... that's the only thing I ask. Cause without that, what do you really have?

It's in those moments where you're taken back... when you may be alone and praying.... crying... God is with you. May it be that He sends you angels... cause I know I got some yesterday night. Some you may not even have imagined, some that were there all along, and some... somehow you just can't sleep until you hear their voice. But He sends them. And if we really pay attention, not being distracted by the external factors and we move with Him guiding our hearts... He reveals himself. And the angels He sends.... are exactly what you need.

My cry last night was a little bit of everything. But through my praying, meditation and songs of reflection, I couldn't help but be moved. Hosanna... Hosanna in the highest. The meaning of that can be interpreted as... Come save us. Salvation is here, let everyone, let all the earth praise Him. Salvation is here. And one of the greatest things about this word or slew of words.. is that there is a transition. It moves from a cry to confidence... a plea to praise. And after a while... that was the transition I went through........... and I thank You for that.